moms and boys and lots of bricks

 

I never learned how to throw a brick

I was too caught up trying to be the nice one

it took me 18 years but I’m finally starting to see

putting everyone else’s lives a head of your own doesn’t make you the nice one

everyday I’m getting better and better at telling people how I feel

everyday I’m getting better and better at throwing bricks

A brick for the boy that loved my body but never loved my mind 

and another for the time he told me I would never find someone else to love me 

and one more for the endless anxiety attacks he provoked and then made me feel bad about 

and a brick to me for ever dating an idiot like that in the first place 

a few bricks for addiction and the consumption it has on my mom 

a few for anorexia and the way it changed my sisters mind 

and definitely a few for Whats Eating Gilbert Grape because my heart still aches just thinking about it 

A brick to my mom for never caring enough to sober up 

and another for lying her self through my childhood 

and another for playing with my heroes heart 

and 200 more for all the things she said while she was drunk or high or whatever 

and a few for me for holding a grudge. 

a brick for all the teachers that wrung the creativity out of me 

a brick to the tile floor in my kitchen for ripping a hole in my favorite socks 

a brick to depression for taking Teriks life 

 and another to the rain that took my cousins 

 

and one more at me for taking 18 years to learn how to throw a brick